One of these dating mistakes could have ended your last relationship!
The excitement and emotional engagement at the beginning of a really good relationship can often lead us to make some irrational decisions. High on intense emotions and hormones, we tend to forget the place of giving one their space in creating desire. We fall in love with our partners, so we want to be around them all the time, right?
And the truth is that the dating mistakes that make men pull away from women can be hard to catch. Most of us have made them repeatedly because they’re subtle and often counterintuitive.
However, according to relationship experts and psychologists, subtle or not, they’re still the significant reasons partners pull away from each other. So, on that note, let’s clear the air: Here are 4 dating mistakes you might be making that make men run for the hills!
Dating mistake: Being desperately dependent
Psychiatrist Mark Banschick, M.D. says that clinginess is an intense form of dependency and a major dating mistake. When you’re in a solid relationship, dependency should be mutual, not desperate.
There’ll be things you can’t get for yourself, whether it be emotionally, materially, biologically, or spiritually.
Having someone to encourage and support you is vital to bonding with your partner. But desperate dependency is something else entirely. Women who become desperately dependent on their mates are usually the ones who can’t bear not being in a relationship at any given time.
They need to be with someone in order to feel complete. This clinginess stems from a void in the person that’s rooted in hurt self-esteem. You feel incomplete unless you’re sure you have your partner. But this frantic dependency is a recipe for disaster in any kind of relationship.
It suffocates desire and drives people away. A woman who’s too clingy also gets easily jealous and insecure, all of which will only push her partner even further away.
Dating mistake: Excessive expectations lead to disappointment
Most women can recognize the following scenario: You just met a man, and he’s into you.
Impressed by his commitment and persistence, you gave him your contact info and agreed on a first date. Things start to turn out amazing, only for him to pull back just a few days into the relationship.
You’re stunned, wondering what you did wrong. Well, here’s the thing: Most men are usually afraid to approach women, especially the beautiful ones, for one main reason: They project qualities onto them. They magnify all other aspects of her life and put her on a pedestal just because of how good she looks.
If she looks right, she must be caring, conscientious, intelligent, and charismatic, or so they think. Seeded deep in this exaggerated vision of her, their chase can go on for long, hoping that in the end, all their imaginations will eventually be their prize.
The longer the chase is, the more time the man will have to load his imagination with how great it will be to finally have her. But this usually leads to disappointment. Obviously, in some cases, the woman might certainly be outstanding and worth the chase.
But in most cases, the guy must have already projected more than she can deliver. And when he finally gets her, even if it’s after a brief chase, he pulls away suddenly.
Why? Well, as psychotherapist Judith Orloff, M.D. says, many relationships don’t last because, in the beginning stages, when the hormones are raging, lust is fuelled by projection and idealization. You see what you hope someone will be or need them to be instead of seeing the real person, flaws and all.
Dating mistake: You’re putting to much pressure on him
Some women go into a relationship with an end goal in mind: to get married! And don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing bad about wanting to be with a person you love.
But, focusing on the marriage goal too soon can take out all the fun from a relationship and create a negative dynamic for both of you, making this a huge dating mistake.
A psychologist by the name of Dr. Antonio Borello says that when you concentrate on marriage too soon, everything you do will unconsciously be tilted toward achieving that goal. And everything he doesn’t do that makes you nervous about your goal will upset you and create the wrong dynamic in your relationship.
Successful relationships lead to marriage. So focus on being in the moment and enjoying the wonderful relationship you have right now. A relationship can’t be enjoyed if used as a means to an end.
And one that isn’t enjoyed will end rather fast. You’re more likely to enjoy the process when you connect with someone without an end goal.
Dating mistake: Trying to tie him down
Some men pull away when they discover they’re developing real feelings for a woman.
Sadly, this can also happen when you know you’re forming real feelings for them! This fear of love happens because significant stakes are suddenly involved.
They begin worrying about the relationship’s potential outcomes, which affects the way they act. They become anxious, which leads to awkward feelings of vulnerability many folks don’t know how to handle. At the same time, you might have started fantasizing about your future together.
In doing this, you become more hooked on the happy outcomes you wish for and begin feeling anxious at losing out on your dream now that it feels like it’s turning into a reality. As a result, you’re not present in the moment of getting to know him, fixating on how he feels about you.
And this will affect how you act around him. Typically, people don’t react positively to changes from spending time with a charming, fun personality to being with someone who always seems to be digging for reassurance. It’s normal to want to latch on when you meet someone who makes you feel comfortable and good.
This usually happens without realizing it, but it changes your dynamic and is a huge dating mistake. Guys can pick up on this. He may not be able to pinpoint what it is exactly, but he could start thinking of you as clingy.
When a man feels like you’re trying too hard to tie him down, he might panic and walk away.
When you’re still in the lust phase with someone, the most essential part is holding onto your self-confidence. Confidence is key, and let me explain why: If you want to draw a man with whom you’d like to build a solid relationship, you have to highlight your true personality.
Too many folks make the mistake of playing a role in making someone fall for them, and it always backfires because the other person realizes you weren’t being honest.
Being genuinely confident keeps you secure from looking to be needy, which is a characteristic that could cause someone to run for the hills, especially if it’s early in a developing relationship.
When it’s all said and done… He may just be held back by lingering hurt related to an ex
The man you’re seeing may still be worrying about issues he faced in a previous relationship in which they didn’t share the same values.
Or maybe she thought his personality was too over-the-top or was never physically attracted to him, and he’s concerned that you might end up feeling the same way.
Men’s minds work differently than women’s. Not to over-generalize, but males often have trouble identifying exactly what is turning them off.
What’s more, whatever it might be may have nothing to do with you, yet he genuinely might not be able to put his finger on what is driving him away.
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Are you guilty of making these dating mistakes? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. And if you liked this article, check out: 12 Hidden Jerk Behaviors You Should Watch For
