5. If you loved me, you would have done that for me – her needs come first
In most circumstances, adults must prioritize pressing matters of the real world. For example, a late shift may be unavoidable or an afternoon’s worth of housework may be required.
Yet, narcissistic mothers demand that their kids make concessions in order for them to get or do anything they desire. If a mother likes shopping, for instance, their kids must go shopping every weekend. The mother won’t ever miss an important event like a graduation ceremony if she has a crucial tennis match with her friends.
6. I did so much for you why do you ignore me? – lack of boundaries
Another common trait for a narcissistic mother is that she can be very nosy, and most of the time she won’t care about the boundaries. When they don’t feel like communicating or asking how the children’s day at school was, she won’t even bother to say hi. But when she wants attention and validation, she will immediately ask the children to stop doing whatever they are doing in that moment to start pleasing herself.
In most cases, a narcissistic mother will also make negative comments about her children, making them feel weird and sad, in order to make herself feel better.
How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich is an awesome book about the imprint of parenting on us as children. I was tasked to read it when I went through therapy last year, and reading that and God’s help saved our marriage.
Highly recommend and pray the best for all of you!!
I had a narcissistic husband. It almost ruined my life and my future. Loving yourself and putting yourself first will help you move on. I have so much peace sense I divorced him. He is still the same I’m so glad to be free from that man. It’s worth it to live and move on before your whole life is taken. They have no feelings so what can you do with that.
My Son is married with two children his wife is narcissistic and Bipolar she is my sons only love met in high school she has destroyed all that he’s accomplished with him starting over again and again my grandchildren are now being affected by her illness my Son is getting a better understanding by reading more about her disorders he wants to divorce her now finally but afraid she’ll end up with the children…I’m so sad for both my son and grandchildren any advice you can give to help my Son
Good Article To Discuss And Read And The Input Is Very Useful And I’m Sure Will Help Many Or Resinate w/Several Others Seeking Help Or Answers!!
I guess I was lucky, I had a wonderful mother who made me feel loved and secure. She was kind, interested in my activities and friends, and one of the wisest people I have ever known. She never told me anything that wasn’t true and accurate. We seldom had disagreements but like all children, I went through my rebellious teen years and thought I knew more than any adult, including her. I learned I was wrong soon enough but she allowed me to make mistakes and learn from them. She was always there to listen to my problems and offer her insight and advice and I eventually realized she was usually right. In retrospect, I wish she had intervened in some of my stupid decisions and tried to stop me; I probably would have taken her advice. She died twenty years ago and I still miss her and think about her every day. She never gossiped or belittled other people and told me if I couldn’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything. I wish I were more like her, she was a saint compared to me! Everyone who knew her loved her.
My mother was so bad and such a mean spirited narcissist, that I always wandered what was wrong with me. And why couldn’t I please her. I married at age 17 to a narcissistic man. We had 3 children and after 20 years of marriage, I had to get out. I was scared but determined, because I have twin sons that are disabled. Once I got out, I found it hard to live because I couldn’t work with my sons needing me. So I married again. This one was worse than the first, and was like my mother! So after 9nyesrs of him, and finally figuring out on my own what was going on, I got out! My self-esteem was gone, food was/is my comfort, and all I want to fo is love my children the way they deserve to be loved. Unfortunately my daughter is narcissistic and has been in drugs forb25 years. I no longer see her or have contact with her. It took alot of prayer, and studying the Word of God, but i.like me, and I can spot a narcissist real quick. I run from them! I will mot ever allow another one into me life!
Wow im so sorry to hear that you have been through this ordeal it’s similar to what my grown daughters are doing to me I understand your pain and please remain strong and this will come to pass and you will be able to heal and look back and see how things will turn out for your good
I had a mother and a husband that were narcissistic. Talk about a challenging life. I have ptsd and I’m 69 years old. You never get over your childhood completely. I am still with my narcissistic husband. I am an emotional wreck but with GOD I will overcome. My heart goes out to anyone whose path has crossed with a narcissist.
My Parents were selfish in every day life. I have some things to compare with other parents who were my friends parents didn’t fight with each other in front of their children like mine. I really need someone to actually care about me. Life has been difficult and frustrating with many not understanding what I went through. I don’t know how to get out of this funk.
Some of what you have described is close to what our mother did, like with shaming. She did it in such a way that both my younger sibbling and I ended up with an eating disorder which was also passed down to both of our daughters, not because we messed with our daughters heads. Oh no, she repeated what she did with my sister and I to our own daughters. We walked on eggshells constantly, I used to say to my friend I dont think it would be a good idea to come to my house, when she asked why I replied I don’t know who will be showing up today the happy mom who will welcome us or the one that while shame us.