The portrait of a narcissistic mother
First of all, let’s see what the “portrait” of a narcissistic mother looks like. In most cases, she will try to invalidate her child’s emotions by neglecting all the times they feel bad, upset, or hurt, and they will always throw harsh replies like, “Why can’t you just get over it already?” “I really doubt that was the situation; you have a huge imagination.”
In order to manage the circumstance and define which emotions are appropriate for them to feel, narcissistic mothers would ignore their children’s sentiments, eventually preventing them from being able to recognize their own emotions, which is a very toxic behavior that can traumatize the children very easily.
What are the hurtful things a narcissistic mother will say to her kids? Click on the next page to continue reading the rest of the article.
21 Responses
You just described my ex-wife spot on!
My mother was much worse than a narcissist. I believe she was a psychopath and possessed with a demon! I am 79 years old and suffer from ptsd which started when I was a young child. My pain has been so oppressive that I attempted suicide numerous times. The last time was in 1996 and was awakened by the LORD! HE told me HE loved me and wanted me to live. HE also promised HE would never leave me, and HE never has! I took so many pills I should have died or at least been ill from them but it never happened! If I was not born again and lived with and for HIM I would have committed suicide in order to die from the pain I live with. But JESUS CHRIST is always here to lift me out of the horror of nightmares, flash backs and night terrors. I am totally without loved ones but I have the greatest lover who loves my heart, my soul and my spirit every moment and forever!
Your words are very comforting to me. I live with a narcissist husband. I’m away on business and really realized how much I feel being away. I’m less stressed and anxiety has decreased. I need to live for me!
I had a narcissistic husband. It almost ruined my life and my future. Loving yourself and putting yourself first will help you move on. I have so much peace sense I divorced him. He is still the same I’m so glad to be free from that man. It’s worth it to live and move on before your whole life is taken. They have no feelings so what can you do with that.
My heart goes out to you. I also had a rough upbringing. I used to tell my mother she needed help and her reply was always “I’ll get help after you get help”. I am without loved ones also and also my faith get me through everything. My best friend is my cat. May I reccommend two books that have helped me so much over the years. The Power Of Now by Eckhart and also A New Earth by him also. They have been my therapy and might help you also. Lynn
I’ve lived the same life, and as you say, if it weren’t for God, I wouldn’t be a person anyone would want to be around. Not even me! I was married twice to narcissistic men. It was such a pattern, that 14 years ago I broke! I’m 64 now. Have siblings, but they are like my mother, so I stay away from them.
Love your story, how God rescued you and brought love and life into your heart. God bless
I am so thankful you found the Lord! He is helping you in your life. If you would have killed yourself you would have gone to hell. That was what Satan wanted. I am sorry you suffered all your life. Your mom is accountable for the mistreatment. She will have to answer to God. If she wasn’t born again she will be suffering forever
I am soo happy to read your testimony! Yes , Jesus Saves and I am glad he saved you!! Amen
Some of what you have described is close to what our mother did, like with shaming. She did it in such a way that both my younger sibbling and I ended up with an eating disorder which was also passed down to both of our daughters, not because we messed with our daughters heads. Oh no, she repeated what she did with my sister and I to our own daughters. We walked on eggshells constantly, I used to say to my friend I dont think it would be a good idea to come to my house, when she asked why I replied I don’t know who will be showing up today the happy mom who will welcome us or the one that while shame us.
My Parents were selfish in every day life. I have some things to compare with other parents who were my friends parents didn’t fight with each other in front of their children like mine. I really need someone to actually care about me. Life has been difficult and frustrating with many not understanding what I went through. I don’t know how to get out of this funk.
Please take an inward process out of the funk by taking an outward journey. So what I mean is by really treating yourself to something developmental (especially something physical like yoga, swimming, training in the gym), this WILL improve self esteem, release endorphins such as serotonin, and greatly enhance your daily psychology and feelings about self. Plus it helps you get past the past, and literally FEEL better about the present and future. The current path is “the funk,” and a change MUST happen to feel better. Been there. I’m a guy, and I chose martial arts when I left home at 17/18. BEST decision ever!!
I so understand the funk, the shaming, the being antisocial because you feel like you’re not important, or valuable. Faith in the Lord has also helped me. As well as finding a really good counselor. Books by Anne Miller helping me to understand it’s not me or my fault, like Drama of the Gifted Child, any others by her. Also The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists is so eye-opening! So helpful to begin the journey of empowerment. It’s hard work to reverse those childhood messages but freedom is possible.
Praying for all… « The Lord hour God is with you He is Mighty to Save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His Love. » we deserve to have a good life!!
I had a mother and a husband that were narcissistic. Talk about a challenging life. I have ptsd and I’m 69 years old. You never get over your childhood completely. I am still with my narcissistic husband. I am an emotional wreck but with GOD I will overcome. My heart goes out to anyone whose path has crossed with a narcissist.
Wow im so sorry to hear that you have been through this ordeal it’s similar to what my grown daughters are doing to me I understand your pain and please remain strong and this will come to pass and you will be able to heal and look back and see how things will turn out for your good
My mother was so bad and such a mean spirited narcissist, that I always wandered what was wrong with me. And why couldn’t I please her. I married at age 17 to a narcissistic man. We had 3 children and after 20 years of marriage, I had to get out. I was scared but determined, because I have twin sons that are disabled. Once I got out, I found it hard to live because I couldn’t work with my sons needing me. So I married again. This one was worse than the first, and was like my mother! So after 9nyesrs of him, and finally figuring out on my own what was going on, I got out! My self-esteem was gone, food was/is my comfort, and all I want to fo is love my children the way they deserve to be loved. Unfortunately my daughter is narcissistic and has been in drugs forb25 years. I no longer see her or have contact with her. It took alot of prayer, and studying the Word of God, but i.like me, and I can spot a narcissist real quick. I run from them! I will mot ever allow another one into me life!
I guess I was lucky, I had a wonderful mother who made me feel loved and secure. She was kind, interested in my activities and friends, and one of the wisest people I have ever known. She never told me anything that wasn’t true and accurate. We seldom had disagreements but like all children, I went through my rebellious teen years and thought I knew more than any adult, including her. I learned I was wrong soon enough but she allowed me to make mistakes and learn from them. She was always there to listen to my problems and offer her insight and advice and I eventually realized she was usually right. In retrospect, I wish she had intervened in some of my stupid decisions and tried to stop me; I probably would have taken her advice. She died twenty years ago and I still miss her and think about her every day. She never gossiped or belittled other people and told me if I couldn’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything. I wish I were more like her, she was a saint compared to me! Everyone who knew her loved her.
Good Article To Discuss And Read And The Input Is Very Useful And I’m Sure Will Help Many Or Resinate w/Several Others Seeking Help Or Answers!!
My Son is married with two children his wife is narcissistic and Bipolar she is my sons only love met in high school she has destroyed all that he’s accomplished with him starting over again and again my grandchildren are now being affected by her illness my Son is getting a better understanding by reading more about her disorders he wants to divorce her now finally but afraid she’ll end up with the children…I’m so sad for both my son and grandchildren any advice you can give to help my Son
I had a narcissistic husband. It almost ruined my life and my future. Loving yourself and putting yourself first will help you move on. I have so much peace sense I divorced him. He is still the same I’m so glad to be free from that man. It’s worth it to live and move on before your whole life is taken. They have no feelings so what can you do with that.
How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich is an awesome book about the imprint of parenting on us as children. I was tasked to read it when I went through therapy last year, and reading that and God’s help saved our marriage.
Highly recommend and pray the best for all of you!!