Frequently Asked Questions About Dreams of Deceased Loved Ones
It’s natural to have questions after such a profound experience. Here are answers to some of the most common questions people ask, offered with a balance of respect for belief and awareness of what science can tell us.
Are visitation dreams from the deceased real?
This is the most common and perhaps the most personal question of all. The honest answer is that it depends on your definition of “real.” From a scientific standpoint, a dream is a real neurological event. It is happening inside your brain. The field of sleep science has extensively studied the mechanics of dreaming, though its full purpose remains a mystery. You can learn more about the science of sleep and dreams from the Sleep Foundation.
From a spiritual or personal standpoint, the feeling of the dream is what makes it real. If you woke with a profound sense of peace and a conviction that you connected with your loved one, that experience of comfort is 100% real. Many people of faith and spiritual conviction believe these dreams are genuine communications. Ultimately, whether it was a spiritual visit or a psychologically healing event, its positive impact on you is what matters most. The meaning and reality of the dream belong to you.
Why do some dreams of the deceased feel so different from regular dreams?
Researchers and dream experts have noted that dreams with a high emotional content, especially those related to our deepest relationships, are often more vivid and memorable. The brain regions associated with emotion and memory, like the amygdala and hippocampus, are highly active during REM sleep. When a dream touches upon the profound love and loss associated with a key person in your life, it’s understandable that the brain would encode this experience with exceptional clarity and intensity, making it stand out from a typical, jumbled dream about daily events.
What if I have a distressing dream about my loved one?
While many dreams of the deceased are peaceful, some can be unsettling. You might dream of them being unwell, or re-live difficult moments from their passing. This is also a normal part of grieving. These dreams do not mean your loved one is in distress. Instead, they are more likely a reflection of your own unresolved fears, anxieties, or trauma related to the loss. Your mind is trying to process difficult memories and emotions. If you experience recurring distressing dreams, it can be very helpful to speak with a grief counselor who can provide tools for managing this aspect of your grief. Support is always available through organizations like SAMHSA.
I never dream of my loved one. Does this mean something is wrong?
Not at all. Every person’s grieving process is unique, and so is their dream life. Some people dream of their loved ones frequently, while others never do, or only do so many years later. Not having these dreams does not mean you loved them any less or that you are not connected to them. Your bond is expressed in countless other ways—through memories, family traditions, and the love that you continue to carry in your heart. Be patient and compassionate with your own process.
How can I encourage these comforting dreams?
While there is no guaranteed method for summoning a specific dream, you can create conditions that are conducive to peaceful, reflective sleep. Before bed, spend a few quiet moments in remembrance. You might look at a favorite photo of your loved one, listen to a song that reminds you of them, or write a short note in a journal as if you were talking to them. You can say a simple, heartfelt intention, such as, “I would love to feel your peaceful presence in my dreams tonight.” This practice, sometimes called guided imagery, can help calm your mind and focus your heart on loving memories, which may in turn shape the content of your dreams.
Practices that support overall health, such as those explored by the NCCIH, can also contribute to better sleep and emotional regulation.
