If you have decided to move into a new house, then you are probably facing a lot of stress. Well, the last thing you would want is to feel like a total outsider in your new community. Unfortunately, choosing a new place to call your own doesn’t always come with friendly and welcoming people or someone who will instantly share your interests and values.
While disliking your neighbors can be quite difficult, it can be even worse to feel like the weird person out in your own neighborhood. If you managed to move into a brand new home but you feel that something might be off (specifically, the neighbors), we can give you a list of signs and clues you can look for that could indicate bad blood between you and your new neighbors.
Your neighbors talk behind your back
More often than not, when people are talking about you when you’re not there or you can’t hear what they’re saying, there’s generally something going on that might not be exactly favorable. In most cases, this means they are spreading rumors or trying to gather some sort of support or intel against you.
Even if this sounds like middle school, we already know some people never grow up, and it can also apply in your own neighborhood. It’s also worth noting that such rumors can spread quite fast. Do you know how to read the signs that someone might be talking behind your back?
Well, if you approach your neighbors and you notice them huddled together and whispering something then disperse, they are likely discussing something you shouldn’t overhear.
Also, overhearing any kind of rumors about you should always make you ask yourself when this started. A good friend will probably share with you what has been said, or you might be lucky enough to overhear them yourself. If you hear your name coming up, then it’s a good sign that someone had some sort of conversation about you.
If neighbors who used to smile at you or even stop to chat with you before now look down when you approach, then it’s worth asking yourself is something changed. If you haven’t talked to them or done anything to upset them, a changing opinion generally means someone influenced them negatively.
All in all, if you feel like you are in high school all over again, and you feel uncomfortable, alone, shunned, and embarrassed every time you lock eyes with one of your neighbors, then it might mean something is definitely working against you.
Beware of fake smiles
Research has shown that people can easily fake smiles, especially when it comes to strangers. However, those studies are generally done between strangers, not people you know or see on a day-to-day basis. You have probably seen your neighbors smile, and if all of a sudden they look off, you might want to take into consideration there might be a reason for that.
Pushing your boundaries
More often than not, neighbors can feel quite territorial when it comes to new people. It doesn’t make any sense and we certainly don’t adhere to this way of living, but some people do that. This could mean they feel entitled to enter your property, and even touch your things, and rearrange your yard without permission.
I know, I know, it seems taken out of a movie, but it can happen. Even the things that would otherwise seem kind, such as meowing your lawn could represent a sign that they feel ownership over your property. People who don’t respect the boundaries of your home probably don’t respect you, either.
These things may be their subtle way of asserting ownership over your own property, or even passive-aggressively show they don’t like your style or your level of maintenance.
Body language
Just like smiles, the simplest body language signs can reveal what a person truly thinks or feels during an interaction. There are a myriad of small, subtle movements and positions that could reveal to you what a person truly thinks. Here are some examples of body language you could look out for:
- feet that point away from something show that the thing is seen as “undesirable”, even if the person’s body is facing you.
- exposing the torso to people we feel comfortable with, but as soon as someone we dislike gets near us, we tend to turn to the side.
- too much and too little eye contact are all signs of trouble. Someone might want to look at anything other than you, but they could also compensate by making over-emphasized eye contact.
- crossed arms are also a sign that someone is shutting off from those around them.
These movements are a wonderful indicator that someone isn’t your biggest fan.
Exclusion and avoidance
You might also notice your neighbors gathering on the weekends for meals or even using a specific person’s pool for a party to which you weren’t invited. Even worse, you might show up at a community pool or amenity and notice that everyone vacates right away.
Both these examples show clear signs that your neighbor doesn’t actually want you around and might not even want to be near you for some reason. These are generally quite obvious behaviors, and should instantly tip you off to something way more insidious.
How to approach someone who obviously dislikes you
If you notice some of these things already, the easiest thing is to feel defeated and wonder if your new home was the right move for you to make. If you want to make your life more comfortable in the long term, it’s fairly important to try to smooth things over as much as you can, or at least make the best effort and be the bigger person.
Talk through your differences
The most mature thing you can do is to consider a sit down with your neighbors and blatantly ask them to air their grievances like adults. You can start by listening to their side of the story to make sure you’re not missing anything, then present your own case avoid being emotional, and simply stick to the facts.
Any conflicts that will arise can be easily worked out with empathy and maturity. However, sometimes this won’t work. Some people won’t agree to talk, and others won’t listen to your side. However, at least you’ll know you tried.
Find safety in numbers
You can easily find the people in your neighborhood who you’d get along with. If you already have someone in mind, you might as well ask them if anything’s going on. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to gossip about your neighbors, but sometimes sharing your worries with someone helps. It can be quite comforting to have people who support you, and if they also have outside relationships, they might even be able to exert some sort of influence.
Accept and ignore them
Sometimes you can’t win with people, and that’s ok. Sometimes, trying to be nice requires more effort than it’s actually worth it. You can just accept that your friends won’t be inside your neighborhood, and why not? Hope that the people you don’t get along with will soon move.
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