Know the hidden jerk behaviors to be aware of!
We’ve all encountered “THAT guy:” the self-proclaimed “nice” guy who suddenly exposes himself to be a jealous jerk, needy narcissist, or passive-aggressive, entitled player. Or, if you’re REEEEALLY unlucky, some combination of all three. So, how do you tell if the guy you just started seeing is genuinely good?
Well, first, you should know that there are two kinds of these jerks to look for: the ones that make no effort at all to hide their jerky ways and the ones that either have no idea they’re being nasty or will go to any lengths to manipulate you into believing they’re one of those legendary “nice guys.”
Recognizing a jerk in the wild has become harder and harder, mainly because the ones you need to look out for are the ones who are the best at hiding their real bad-guy selves. Luckily, there are a few hidden jerk behaviors to look for:
Hidden jerk behavior: He waits for you to make all the decisions
This may seem super thoughtful at first. But relationship experts say it can be a big red flag. If he always wants you to decide things: where to go, what to do, and so on, that’s a bit of a warning sign. Healthy people can express their wants and consider their date or girlfriend’s input.
If a guy agrees with everything you think, say, or do, he’s either not being genuine or doesn’t have a good sense of who he is as a person and may look to you to prop him up or increase his self-worth.
Hidden jerk behavior: He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Every woman deserves a man who respects her and the boundaries she sets in place. If your significant other is constantly pushing you to do things you’re not comfortable doing, or if he makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, he’s not a nice guy.
He’s a boundary-breaking clown. Let him know that you won’t tolerate that kind of behavior, and show him the door if he doesn’t respect you.
Hidden jerk behavior: He says mean things… But in a nice way
If it seems like he’s constantly saying hurtful or unkind things to you but in a kind voice or in the name of “I’m just being honest,” that’s still being mean.
Or, if he makes belittling comments towards you, he laughs it off by saying, “I was only joking! Why do you always have to take things so seriously?” he may be a jerk in disguise.
Hidden jerk behavior: He bad-mouths his exes
This behavior is similar to that advice about never dating a cheater. If he’s nice to you but talks a lot of trash about all of his past girlfriends and blames them for their separation, he’ll probably talk the same way about you and blame you, as well, if things don’t work out in your relationship.
We all know that there are two sides to each story, and someone who paints themselves as the victim in every breakup they’ve ever had is most likely not telling the whole truth.
Hidden jerk behavior: He talks a big game
No authentic, nice guy will feel the need to brag. On the other hand, a jerk in disguise is trying to block your view of his true nature with a smokescreen complete of plans he never actually plans on following through on.
He’ll go on and on about the momentous dates he will take you on, but when it comes time to prove it, he just won’t.
Hidden jerk behavior: He sulks whenever you’re busy
You might feel flattered that he wants to spend every free moment he has with you. But how does he respond when you’re not around?
A wonderful guy will be able to express that he’s disappointed and that he’ll miss you but understands. A man who’s a jerk in disguise will pout and give you the cold shoulder or a guilt trip for choosing someone or something else over him.
Hidden jerk behavior: His communication skills are poor at best
Now listen, no one expects all men to naturally know the exact gentlemanly move to make at all times, but that’s precisely why communication is key.
Not only does a guy who’s a creep do jerky things, but he also refuses to admit when he’s wrong, and he never apologizes or tries to change his actions.
Hidden jerk behavior: He NEVER shows any other emotions
No one is nice ALL the time. Failure to express other sentiments can be a significant red flag. Excessive friendliness can be a cover for emotional neediness or a lack of a secure sense of self. Healthy adults are capable of expressing a full range of emotions, whether it be mad, sad, happy, scared, surprised, or shame.
And they don’t need to feel the need to hide behind a facade of niceness. At the end of the day, it’s important to learn to trust your gut. If your instincts tell you something about this person feels off, don’t ignore that feeling.
Hidden jerk behavior: He insists on keeping tabs on you
Communicating through little love notes and occasional check-ins when you’re not together can be an essential part of any healthy relationship.
But if he constantly feels the need to keep tabs on you, that could be a warning sign of insecurity and jealousy, even if he justifies it as being in the name of love.
Hidden jerk behavior: He pretends his jealousy is just proof that he “really likes you”
Men who get clingy and possessive early on in a relationship are only going to get worse. He’ll probably rely on you liking the attention at first.
But ultimately, his obsession with knowing who you’re with and what you’re doing at all times when you’re not with him is going to get borderline terrifying.
Hidden jerk behavior: His relationship with other women in his life is strained
If you notice that he treats other women in his life poorly or speaks about them in a disrespectful way, that’s a clear tell-tale sign that there’s likely a jerk lurking underneath that nice exterior.
If he has a pattern of negative, strained, or disconnected relationships with other women around him but claims to adore you, make sure you proceed with caution.
Hidden jerk behavior: He acts like you owe him everything
He won’t come right out and say, “Listen, I’ve paid for three dates; I think it’s time you pay me back somehow.” But he’ll start to get noticeably unforgiving if you aren’t jumping at the chance to fulfill his every need.
He knows better than to say it out loud, but he still sees getting to know you as a means to an end. It’s not something he’s genuinely interested in.
The bottom line
Don’t let a man’s supposed “niceness” blind you to his true colors. Keep an eye out for the signs of hidden jerk behaviors, and you’ll be able to spot a not-so-nice guy from a mile away.
And don’t forget: You deserve a genuine, respectful, and caring person in your life. Not a two-faced trickster who’s only friendly when it’s convenient for him. So, go out there and find your true knight in shining armor…He’s out there and worth the wait!
For more on this subject, here’s an interesting read from Amazon: When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People
If you enjoyed this article and are looking for some more relationship tips, you might want to check out: 9 Dominant Partner Red Flags You Should NEVER Ignore
